I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
