also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
