you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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