Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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