his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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