We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
