no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
