Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
