that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
