I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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