I can text with my tongue
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
