Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
