You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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