okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
you had me at cake vodka
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
