"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
