I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize