Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
