32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
