that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
