She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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