I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
