I faked an abortion last night.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
