Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
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No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
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Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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