you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
