You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
