i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
