you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We are all done wearing pants today
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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