I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
