If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
