she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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