so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
