So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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