I've blown a few things in my day
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Randomize
