just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
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My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b