I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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