i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
