No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
