i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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