i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
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btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
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True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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