its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize