Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
