Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize