I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
