he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
