the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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