I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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