I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
