there was a trapeze. enough said
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
