i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
