put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
