Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
