he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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