Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
