I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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