I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
