spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
