Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
