Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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