who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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