My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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