I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
