Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
